I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
