We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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