So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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