do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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