I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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