I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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