Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
