everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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