If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
