Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All the doctor said was why
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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