You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
