Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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