tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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