i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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