And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
that's an acceptable place to lick
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
