I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
