That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
