piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
