So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
