This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So much rum. So many feels.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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