Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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