I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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