my sisters under your porch take her home
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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