Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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