i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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