words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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