just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
