There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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