I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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