I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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