Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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