Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
