Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
