The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize