yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
