you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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