i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
