soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize