Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
