it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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