eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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