ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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