How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were trust falling into bushes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
