:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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