i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
