S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
