Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
