Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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