have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
