you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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