i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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