there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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