So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
