her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
