3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
