sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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