I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
