I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
