I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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